Forget and Remember
by modernxxmyth
Summary: He looked so broken – more broken than she’d ever seen him. He spoke in the softest of whispered tones, but the words were startlingly clear to Kate. “Make me forget.” Sawyer/Kate. Skate one-shot. Post-LA X.


**A/N:** I know there aren't a whole lot of Skate fans around anymore, which is saddening as a die-hard Skater, but those of you still persevering...I hope you enjoy this. It's set post-LA X (the season six premiere). Please review. It feeds my muse and makes me write more.

**DISCLAIMER:** Lost is not mine.

* * *

**Forget and Remember**

Sawyer was gone. After escaping from the new Others, he's pointed a gun at his friends and told them not to come after him. He fled into the jungle. Kate could only assume Juliet's death had finally hit him.

Jack told her to stop when Kate decided to go after him the next day. He said Sawyer would want to be left alone, as he requested. But Kate thought back to when Tom died, and she was on the run. She had no _choice_ but to be alone. She'd wished she had someone to be there for her through her grieving. That thought in mind, Kate took off after him. Three years later (or thirty, depending on how you're counting), and Sawyer was still terrible at covering his tracks.

Kate managed to find his footprints, and they seemed to be walking an oddly familiar path. She heard the sound of raging water as she approached, confirming her suspicion. Sawyer was at the waterfall the pair of them had discovered so long ago. They'd gone for a swim during happier times before they found wreckage and dead bodies from the flight.

Sawyer was sitting up against a rock, the beautiful, light atmosphere a startling contrast to his demeanor. He was still blood-covered from the Others' attack and obviously hadn't cared to clean himself up. Kate wondered silently if some of the blood was Juliet's.

She approached him quietly, the drone of the waterfall overpowering the sound of her footsteps.

Kate sat down next to Sawyer. "Hey."

Sawyer did not look up. "Get out of here, Freckles."

Kate tried not to smile at his use of the nickname. "I think I'll sit here, thanks."

"Kate," Sawyer spoke harshly. "Go the hell away."

Kate shook her head and remained rooted in the spot. "I'm not going away. I've been where you are and I wish someone had been there to sit next to me."

"You talkin' 'bout Tom?"

Kate looked startled. "Yes…how do you know about him? I never mentioned…"

"Juliet," Sawyer said the name with a face that broke Kate's heart, "told me everything from your file. I asked her to after you left. She told me everything she remembered. A little under three years ago, when I was still hung up on you, I made her tell me your whole damn story."

Kate paused and realized she was actually somewhat pleased that he knew. She never liked to tell people, and it had been hard enough with the trial off the island. Kate knew he would never judge her by it, but it was good to see he didn't hold anything against her.

"Everything, hm?" she questioned.

"Everything," Sawyer confirmed. "You killed your daddy, and went on the run. Bank robberies, theft, a few cons here and there…you've accumulated quite the wrap sheet, Sassafras. The only thing I _don't_ know is how you mentioned to get away with it when you came back."

"Jack was a character witness at my trial," Kate sighed, "He played me off as quite the hero. Made up some crack-pot story about how I saved a handful of lives at great personal risk. It was a little over the top, but it worked. Not to mention, the new mom angle helped."

"Aaron?" Sawyer inquired. He seemed grateful for the distraction.

"Yeah," Kate winced as she spoke the name, "Aaron." The sadness in her voice made it obvious the topic was closed for discussion.

They were silent again as they sat together. There was nothing but the pounding of the waterfall to fill their ears.

Time passed into what Kate thought might be hours. She pulled some fruit out of her pack for them, and when it got dark, she made a fire. They sat around the fire quietly, orange flickers lighting their faces, and Kate smirked.

"Wanna play I Never?"

Her quip earned a snort of laughter from Sawyer. "Sorry, I haven't got my liquor on me."

Kate shrugged. "It was worth a try. Besides, now that you know my story, what is there to learn about me?"

Sawyer laughed outright this time. "Freckles, no matter how much I learn about you, you will _always_ be a mystery."

Kate wanted to tell him that she didn't have to be. The he could know her. He could _really _know her if he wanted to try. But she didn't say these things. She said nothing. Staring into the flames of their campfire.

It was scary, Kate decided, how they fell into this behavior. The playful quips. The companionable silence. They were so good at ignoring the giant elephants in the room – or clearing, rather.

There was the fact that they're ex-lovers, and that made things complicated.

There was the fact that Sawyer once loved Kate.

There was the fact that Kate had never quite gotten over him.

There was the fact that Kate became engaged to Jack anyway.

There was the fact that Sawyer had moved on with and fell in love with Juliet.

There was the fact that two days prior, Juliet died in his arms.

And there was the fact that James may just never be okay again.

Sawyer and Kate were good at ignoring these things – great at it. They were masters of denial, and finally, sitting there at the fire together, it was catching up to them.

Kate bit her lip. "You know…well, I know things have been weird between us since I got back, and with good reason. But don't let that stop you…" Kate sighed. She wasn't making much sense. "I know you're probably too proud, but…just know that if you want to talk, I'm sitting right here. Okay?"

Sawyer didn't speak. His features were hard, maybe angry at first. Kate thought he might tell her off or try and send her away again. But his features softened, and he nodded slowly.

He wouldn't talk yet, or maybe anytime soon, but Kate knew he would in time. And hopefully he would come to her to do it.

* * *

One month passed. They didn't talk about things the way that Kate hoped they might, but she understood. If anyone on this damn island had the ability to understand Sawyer, it was Kate. He was grieving, and she refused to push him.

It was the middle of the night – two or three in the morning, Kate estimated – when Sawyer entered her tent, looking every bit as lost as the day Juliet died. Kate wasn't sure if it was tears or rain that wet his cheeks, and she didn't ask. Maybe it was both.

He approached her slowly. He looked so broken – more broken than she'd ever seen him. He spoke in the softest of whispered tones, but the words were startlingly clear to Kate.

"Make me forget."

He looked at her with pleading eyes. Kate didn't move or make any acknowledgement of his request. But when he approached, kneeling down beside her, she could not help but give in. She gave in to his rough kisses and violent passion.

Kate knew it was probably a bad idea when she felt strong hands against her hipbones, knowing they would be bruised by the pattern of his fingers in the morning.

But it had been so long since they'd been together in this way. He was, undoubtedly, the best she'd ever been with. They matched each other in ways she couldn't comprehend. It was always so good with him. Kate couldn't help but submit. She'd used him for sex before, why shouldn't he be able to use her back?

It was rough and hard and unrelenting, and Kate enjoyed every moment of it far too much. She'd missed swollen lips from his bruising kisses. She's missed his calloused fingers drawing patterns on her body. She'd missed feeling the planes of his muscular chest.

Looking up at him, panting heavily, Kate couldn't regret it. Sawyer didn't look so lost anymore. If only for the moment.

* * *

Three weeks later, Kate was beyond thankful for her period. She had been three days late and very concerned. Pregnant with Sawyer's child not even two months after his girlfriend's death…it would have been a disaster.

When she got her period that morning, she felt relief. Intense relief with a lingering twinge of disappointment that just wouldn't go away. They needed to be more careful. Being late…it had been like three years prior with even worse circumstances. The lateness was probably just her body readjusting to the new diet and island life. It would have been a terrible situation if she were pregnant. Terrible. But she couldn't help that twinge of disappointment.

She missed being a mother.

It was an emotional day for Kate, and that night, Sawyer came into her tent again. She could smell the stale Dharma beer on his breath and didn't handle it well.

"Don't come see me when you're drunk, James."

"Don't call me that name," he replied. "And why the hell not?" His words were angry, but his tone wasn't. He smirked. "I thought we could have a little fun."

"Get out of my tent," Kate said in a slow, dangerous voice.

"Why?" Sawyer breathed, stepping closer to her.

Kate wiped a stray tear that had managed to escape her glassy eyes. Damnit, she hated being weak in front of him.

Sawyer looked confused. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Kate repeated with a scoff. "Why don't we talk about one of the many elephants in the room. You want to know why Jack and I didn't work out?"

Sawyer glowered at the idea of them together and drawled, "I got a feelin' you're gonna tell me anyhow."

"Because he became a drunk. A drunk and a pill-popper. After he decided he couldn't trust me because I had secrets – secrets I was keeping for _you_, Sawyer – he started drinking. He was constantly drunk. So excuse me if I don't want _you_ drunk in my tent."

There was a heavy pause, and finally Sawyer spoke. "Sorry, Freckles. I'll get out of your way."

He left her be, and Kate fell apart.

* * *

By the fourth month after Kate chased after Sawyer in the jungle, they were having sex again. Everyone saw Sawyer leaving Kate's tent late into the night. Jack often looked at Kate with disgust.

It didn't stop her. It didn't make her push him away when he came into her tent asking for distraction, begging to forget. Sawyer kept taking, and Kate kept giving.

Really, she just wanted to help him.

But he never responded to her questions, and blatantly ignored her company during the daytime.

They only talked during the nights. And even then, there was little talking. It was all touching. Touching to forget feeling and touching to feel.

"You know," Kate spoke breathlessly, pulling her pants back on. "When you _do_ want to talk, I'll be here."

Sawyer sighed. "I know, Freckles, I know."

* * *

Six months after the incident, and the sex was different. Different and familiar all in one. It wasn't push and pull. It wasn't using each other. It wasn't helping Sawyer forget. It was different and familiar all in one. But the familiarity came from three and a half years prior – stolen moments of passion, locked in cages. Kisses pressed to bare chests in Dharma barracks. The sex was less about forgetting and more about remembering. Remembering _them_ all that time ago before helicopters and new lovers.

Both Kate and Sawyer noticed the change, but neither spoke of it. They didn't want to question what had happened at risk of ruining it. They'd never been able to make it work as a real relationship before, why would they be able to now? The situation was even more complicated than it had been before Kate left the island.

They'd started spending large portions of their days together, not just their nights. It felt so much like it used to, the early months on the island, before it all became so convoluted. It felt the same, but so much different.

Sawyer desperately missed Juliet, and he still didn't talk about it.

It was late one night, and Kate and Sawyer were in the process of redressing, when Kate asked Sawyer to stay the night.

"You sure about that, darlin'?" he questioned her skeptically.

"Only if you want to," she replied quickly. "But yes…stay. You should stay."

Sawyer seemed to contemplate the idea for a moment but did not take long to lay back down next to Kate. They faced each other, and Kate smiled a flicker of a smile.

Sawyer smiled fleetingly back. "Heya, Freckles."

"Hi, James."

He didn't flinch when she called him by his name anymore.

Sidled up next to each other, they gave into touch. Simple touch. Kate ran her hands through Sawyer's hair. Sawyer trailed a hand down her arm. Kate dragged her fingertips across his chest. Sawyer gently traced the contours of her face with his hand.

In the all-encompassing silence, Sawyer spoke. "I missed you when you were gone."

Kate blinked, startled.

Sawyer continued, "I missed you a lot. It took me a long time to get over you, and I guess I never did. Not completely. But I did move on. I moved on and fell in love with Jules a little over a year after you left. I loved her, Kate. I loved her so much. I wanted to spend my life with her. But when you came back I realized I never exactly stopped loving you, either. Do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?"

Kate nodded sadly. "I know it is. I told you I was with Jack when we were off the island. I loved him. But that doesn't mean I forgot about you."

"But you never loved me, Freckles. That there's the difference."

Kate shook her head. "Just because I never said the words doesn't mean they weren't true. I loved you then, James, and I love you now."

Sawyer's eyes widened. "Puddin', don't go sayin' things you don't mean…"

"I do mean it, James. I know you need time, and I'm more than willing to wait, but you should know…I love you. I love you, and I want to be with you. So whenever you're ready, I'd like you to let me know. Until then…" Kate smirked, "We can do what we do best."

She leaned in a kissed him deeply, tongue lingering. Kate started to climb on top of him, when Sawyer stopped her, pulling away. She bit her lip, expecting the worst.

"Kate…" Sawyer breathed. "Say I'm ready now. Then what?"

"Then…stay. Here. With me. Every night. Be with me."

"Freckles, are you asking me to play house?"

Kate laughed at the memory. "Yeah…I guess I am."

"Well, then," Sawyer smirked. "I guess I accept."

All other conversation was lost in mumbles against lips and breathy moans.

* * *

fin.

I hope you enjoyed. I'm really looking forward to What Kate Does tonight. I love that she gets the second/third episode...Just like Tabula Rasa in season one. Please review. You've got no idea how happy they make me.


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